How my spouse and I in a blended family, have resolved tension in my family regarding our children’s education.


A newly formed blended family can and will be a challenge often, but it can be a unique and loving relationship.

How you get along with your stepchildren will affect a variety of dynamics. It will take commitment, open heart, and forgiveness to bring people together surviving, sometimes through conflicts. 

However, I'm meant to understand that there are a tiny fraction of families that don't experience these.


Here are some tips that can work for you as it did for me.

I am mindful of expectations.

Honestly, no stepchildren will openly expect you when you come into their lives to love and respect you from the onset. Anger, hurt and resentment can lead to undelivered expectations because you had unforeseen this controversy.

One particular time I had expected my stepchild to be performing better in school and I was upset about it since the results were deteriorating. I took a moment to ask myself these questions:      

  • Was I unrealistic or fair?
  • Did this particular child know that I had this expectation about them?
  • Can we discuss this as a family?


    Remember, you have no control over exceptions for others to feel or behave in a certain way.

    The lesson I learned was to be mindful of my stepchild.

    I took steps to change within myself, how to respond to my stepchild about the issue at hand because I didn't like my response.

    I should not be hard on them and I also realized as a parent, I too have exceptions but I don't always fulfill it 100 %.   

    Identify my Intentions 

    Your spouse or partner might have different intentions about the child's education. At this particular time, my spouse, the biological parent, was least bothered about the child dropping out of school and taking a gap year from college.

    My intentions were that this child should be out of the house as soon as possible away in college somewhere. 
    Competing expectations and intentions occurring with my spouse in my marriage brought about conflict.

    I communicated with my spouse about it and even sought therapeutic help to find common ground. 

    Remember why you are there.

    The stepchildren often broke the rules. They were physically aggressive, disrespectful and I often felt trapped.

    Out of love, I chose this person to be my spouse and decided to come together and create a beautiful blended family.

    Asking myself the why reminds me it's a choice I made and I will continue pressing on. 

    Communication

    To avoid conflict between two parents down the road boils down to one thing, communication. From the onset, we ( my spouse and I) had a discussion ahead of time on the beliefs, values, and discipline.

    If no consultation was held, it would have created conflict between us the parents and it would have flown down to the relationship between children.  

    I can attest that communication between my spouse and me will be essential for my family's success in all situations. 





    Bottom line.

    Blended families, too, have advantages of a unique family structure. Learn to appreciate the value of every family member. It is hard to adjust at first, but it can work out.

    What is working for me now is that I have a stable marriage, but this one will be different, considering its not like first marriages. Respect one another from the children to the adults.

    A few years down the line, my blended family will grow naturally and the members will feel close to one another because of choosing to spend more time together.

    Parenting will be good, they said.

    Parenting will be good, they said

    “ focus more on who your child is than what your child does. Remember, you are growing a person not fixing a problem.” ~ L.R. Knost.

    When it comes to parenting there is a Pandora's box of good and bad. 

    We have so many insights on parenting at this day and age. Soon enough it can get confusing and frustrating.

    When a child is born, they never come with a manual on how to raise this special bundle of joy. 

    Today I will focus on blended families. challenges, tips and how to overcome them with simple practical examples. Whereby, demystifying the common facts and misconceptions on it about modern-day parenting.  

    First and foremost a blended family is still a family by all means and they are on the rise. According to relationship experts, this trending is on the rise and attributing factors being divorce rates and remarriages. 

    In the early years, the blended family will be problematic but these facts will work best if parents agree to back up each other and have general ground rules. Ideally, couples will have a hard time learning their new roles and in these case handling stepchildren. If not handled carefully, it will bring tension in the marriage in the long run.

    • Sibling Rivalry. For a child who has never had a sibling before, might find it a challenge that all of a sudden there is a sister or brother. The sibling rivalry between a child and the stepchildren is bound to happen. Truth be told, children in such a setting will either feel that the other child is a threat or a nuisance. Here is the tricky part, how will the kids deal with each other? Strategy to use here is to make all the children in that household understand that this is a family within a family. Try to give equal treatment where you can even though this may be difficult. Positive attention can also strengthen the bond.
      • Disciple. Discipline from a stepparent will pose as a challenge here. Children learn quickly when it comes to getting there way and can manipulate one parent to another to get there way. Create fair and effective discipline when it comes to step-families to avoid insecurity and lack of trust which will result in tension. Research has shown that children will trust you if you show fairness in discipline matters.

    • Bonding Ties. In the early years of a blended family, it can be daunting. How do you create a bond as a blended family? Time together in step-families is needed to figure out the new relationship. The bond will not be formed overnight. It will take time to adapt to the normal and research has shown that it can take about two to five years for the bond to get a hold on. The process can start slowly with the beginning of family traditions. Not forgetting the most important relationship in step-families is the two adults. Set time alone with your partner to discuss the family issues, do something special like watch movies, take walks, have romantic dates etc.

    Remember, it will take time, hard work to make a marriage and family happy. If you aim to have a happier, well adjusted blended family, you will make mistakes but learn from them. The results will make you become a better parent, stepparent and a spouse. 

    5 Ways to Avoid Being an Overwhelmed Parent




    When I pictured my child’s birth, I saw my husband holding my hand as I labored through a natural delivery. Expectations dose not equal reality. There are many difficulties in raising children in a two-parent home. Raising them alone has its own special set of challenges. For a single mom, parenting becomes hectic, stressful and demanding especially when she is under-supported and overburdened.
    Here are 5 things you can do to minimize the stress in your life and bring back the joy of parenting.

    1. Stay Positive
    It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the responsibilities and demands of raising children single-handedly. On top of that, you may experience the pain of being left by a spouse.  Despite of all this, there is need to stay positive. This is because children are also affected by moods swings. The best way to deal with stress is to exercise, eat well, and get enough rest. In general seek a balance in your life.

    2. Maintain a Daily Routine
    Try to schedule family functions at regular hour so that your child knows exactly what to expect each day. For example, when its bed time, having meals, doing chores.  A consistent routine helps your child feel more secure and helps you feel more organized.

    3. Make time for yourself
    It’s important to schedule time for yourself. Creating personal time will give you a chance to recharge. You can do something as simple as reading a book or taking a walk also setting aside time for your self will leave you feeling rejuvenated.
     
    4. Don’t be Guilty
    For the sake of your well-being focus on things you do on a daily basis. All the accomplishments and all things you do to provide for your child. Instead of focusing on what you cannot do for you child, because as a single parent, you are prone to feeling guilty easily.

    5. Get a Support System.
    Whether it’s someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed or watches the child when you are out doing errands, all single parents need help. Don’t be tempted to want to handle everything alone but ask for help from friends or family.

    In conclusion single mothers agree that even when overwhelmed, there is usually a way to work out our problems. You will also find an incredible source of independence and strength through this situation. 


    How my spouse and I in a blended family, have resolved tension in my family regarding our children’s education.

    A newly formed blended family can and will be a challenge often, but it can be a unique and loving relationship. How you get along wi...